About Me

Hello and welcome! My name is Rianna and I live in Gloucester with my mum , my step dad , & my brother and our two pets, In The Winter of January 2015, i set up this blog after years of illness and finally receiving my diagnosis of Hemiplegic Migraines. What started as a personal blog - and means to share my own experiences has since grown into a lifestyle and wellness blog where i share tips and information related to living as well as possible with a chronic illness. This is intertwined with stories from my life and posts related to healthy living,

I know what it is like to feel like your health is spiralling out of control. I have experienced the grief of giving up the life I once thought I would lead. I empathise with the challenges you face because I have lived them too. I understand what you are going through and I want to help you to move forwards.

EARLY DAYS 1989 - 2000
In the Summer of 1992 i was taken seriously ill where i caught Viral Encephalitis from a stomach bug that lasted for days and i ended up in intensive care for over 2 months recovering. I nearly lost my life due to the infection because of what it did to my brain and it was a very fighting experience for my family and friends to watch me go though it all at a really young age, The infection caused my brain to swell up so badly that all my basic functions was all destroyed and my speech & walking and was very badly effected. I was lying in a hospital bed in A&E with no life left in me and basically getting worse as time went on! No one knew if i was going to die or survive as the infection was killing me so slowly and no one knew what the outcome would be, I had a Lumbar Puncture in my spine that showed that i was clearly suffering from Encephalitis! My family and friends was beside my bed and hoping that i would pull though and make a full recovery after 48hours, I had a vicar that was beside my bed and read my last rights to me beforehand. The doctor who was treating me gave me some really strong antibiotics (Penicillin) to help cure the infection, In the next couple of weeks in the children's ward in Hospital i made a full recovery from the infection but everything had been destroyed and i would need to learn everything again from being a baby once again.

When i came out of hospital i came home in a wheelchair as i was unable to walk and i would never be a normal child ever again as i would grow up being disabled for the rest of my life with my mum being my full time carer until i was 10, The challenges that i went though it was very difficult for me and would take me months upon months to learn one word and say it correctly. As i was now disabled child my mum would also get some funding and government help for me as i needed equipment every day such as special walking shoes, Nappies (as i had Toilet issues - And these weren't cheap) and a car that helped me to get to appointments every week! As my mum explained to me that there wasn't a lot of help back then for me so she provided the care and support and have done ever since!
It was so hard for me as i had lost all of my basic functions and it was so hard to do anything for myself as i was still learning new tasks and how to complete them, My walking was very badly effected so sometime in 1993 (I can't remember the year) i had to go and have some special walking shoes made to my size (as i have got very wide feet) and they would help me walk and they would be over £500 a pair (I think thats how much they were but i am not to sure) and we had to go to Glastonbury to go and collect them and to see if they were ok as they would take a while to make
I had a few pairs made before i had my last pair when i was about 10 or 11 and they did there job and helped me walk again!

In 1995 i started a special needs school that was for children with special needs and complex disabilities, I spent 5 years at http://themilestoneschool.co.uk until February 1999 when i left to go to full time junior school, As the school is aimed at children with disabilities they offer so much and i cannot thank them for what they did for me when i attended there almost 20 years ago! (Doesn't time fly)  We had a special Hydrotherapy pool that we used every Wednesday for a swimming lessons that was in The Chamwell Centre across the playground, (The Chmwell Centre was a special school that was also for disabled children when i was there) We would go and get changed in the changing room and then we would walk to the pool and walk into some lovely warm water it was lovely! The school also provided special trips and outings that was funded for us by the public! The school has done so much for me and helped me where i am today! I am helping the Chamwell Centre for there brand new Hydrotherapy centre witch the clearly need! My mum also took a cleaning job at the school before i left and we used to have so much stuff when we went home!! I do miss this school so much!!
I am due to go back and visit this year and see how much has changed and also to see about helping out!!
In February 1999 i started my junior school Tredworth Junior School after i had a few mainstream placements to see how i would cope with other children and classes, My first day at school was a total disaster as i was only 10 and i crossed the road to get to school and i ended up being run over and i broke my big toe! It was a good start for me. I Settled down pretty well and adapted to the routine of school life really well, I was also having 36 hours per week for a LSW who would come in each class and provide support for me. I didn't spend that long at junior school as i was only there for 3 years and i loved the school and made some good friends while i was there too, At the same time of me starting junior school my dad was also having health issues and finance issues and he was planning to sell up and move on to somewhere new and this was so hard for me as i wouldn't be able to see my dad all the time and it was so hard for me and also what was going on at school also it wasn't easy for a 10 year old to see happen,

Just before i started high school in 2001 my dad decided that he would sell up and move to Mid wales as he had enough and his health was not good and i was completely gutted and upset and i didn't want him to go as it would be impossible to see my dad every week! My dad explained to me that he needed to go as his health was so bad and needed a fresh start and i kinda understood what was happening but i was only 12 at the time. My dad also let me stay with him the night before he moved in the house that i grew up in and that was that, My dad left Gloucester in October 2000 and it would be a few more years until i was able to see him again in his new house in Mid Wales and it was very hard for me.
A year before my dad moved to Wales i started high school  Barnwood Park Arts Collage (AKA Barnwood Park High School for Girls ) and when i started i was placed into year 7 like everybody else and i was a bit gutted that my friends wasn't gonna be in the same class as me as we got on really well with each other, When i was in year 7 i was told that i should be in year 8 because there was so much confusion when i left junior school as i should of left in 2000 not 2001, So when i returned from the weekend on that Monday morning in 2001 i was placed straight into year 8!  I Settled down really well and adapted very well to the class and this is where i would meet my best and very close friend who would go on and support me throughout my school life. In a few months after starting school and moving house Disaster stuck again for me as i was having problems with my vision and really bad headaches.

Between 2002 and 2004 i was having hospital & doctors appointments nearly every day of the week to try and investigate what was causing me to have these huge Migraine attacks and also my vision problems, I missed so much of school that when i was there i was working all day and even pulled out of some lessons to catch up with my LSW in the school library,  It was so much to cope with and when i did attend school i would still have attacks in front of all my friends and even my best friend was worried what had happened to me, I can remember having a few Migraine attacks at school and i also had some medication behind the reception desk just in case, Everyone knew that i was having tests done and knew about my special arrangements! I can remember having about 3 - 6 attacks when i went to school and it was dreadful and i just wanted a answer what was causing them to be so bad! I was finally told that in 2004 that i had a Lazy Eye with my right eye and i would need surgery to correct it and at the time i was 15 and i just didn't want to proceed any further with it and then i had the regular checkups where the hospital where i was given no treatment and finally discharged from the eye Hospital. In 2004 after so many tests and Hospital appointments i was finally told what type of Migraines that i was suffering from witch was Hemiplegic Migraines and i was told all about the condition and then i would be on full time medication to prevent the attacks coming on at 2.30 am and this is the Medication i am still taking to this day!!
In the summer 2005 i was planning to take my exams and it was very hard for me as i had missed so much school that i though to myself that i would fail and there wasn't no point me doing any of my exams at all, I did what i could and i tried to remember what i could on the day of the exams it was no ones fault that i had medical problems and would go on and destroy my school work and life. I sometimes think how did i get though my exams and how did i get the grades what i did get? i knew that i would fail something and i did and that was Maths and i was pleased that i took my exams and proud on what i did achieve.

I left high school in September 2005 and started a full time collage course at Gloucestershire Collage A.K.A Gloscat with my friends from school, I did a course called Young Enterprise where at the beginning of the year we would call ourselves a small business and put  £1 in the shares and what ever we made at the end of the year we had back in cash. We also had sales throughout the year and we made our products to sell at this store from flowers, bird houses , cakes and much much more. As me and my best friend was in the same class we had a LSW with us to support us and others in the class, It was good course and in the middle of course disaster stuck yet again for me as i was feeling very ill and i just didn't wanna know anything and my mind was all over the place and something was  seriously wrong with me, When i finished collage i walked into town and started to get mobile phone contracts and running up debt that i was underage for, and this went on for a while until something was clearly wrong with me. My behaviour started to became unmanageable and my mum couldn't cope with me any longer that she was gonna put me into a Mental hospital as everyone thought that i was mental and needed professional help, As my behaviour was so bad i was arrested for GBH As my step dad reported me to the Police saying that I  stabbed him witch wasn't true! I was put on medication to help me to calm down and my behaviour and my anger and the tablets that i was on just made things worse for me and the doctor suggested that i would need to go and see a Physicist who could tell me what i was suffering with.

The Physicist told me that i was suffering from a Mental breakdown due to my family and my health issues when i was 2 years old and it had all impacted on me all in once and made me very ill, I also told the Physicist that my mind was all over the place and i didn't know what i was doing half of the time and i was totally lost with almost everything! As i was still in collage until 2008 i took each day diffrently and i never told no one what was happening but i did cause a bit of behaviour now and again. The Physicist told me to take things easy and take some time out otherwise i would be in Hospital for a long period of time,
I walked out of collage and i never went back because i couldn't deal with it anymore and wanted to do something else and it was very hard for me when i started to get debit letters though the post from these  companies asking for money, where i clearly wasn't getting hardly anything only £30 per week on EMA. 
When i went home the first time and my mum saw me with a new phone she knew that something wasn't right and she knew that i was under age for a contract phone and she asked me how did you get that contract phone ?  and i told her that i actually lied to the people in the phone shop to get it as i would with everything else that was from catalogs and much more, As my mind was all over the place i wasn't thinking half of the time and something wasn't right with me at all.
I had a year on what i wanted to do and as i wasn't in full time education and employment i just wanted a year out! 

So sometime later on in the year i applied for a collage course in Newtown (Powys) where my dad lives and i ended up getting on the course and was successful and the bad thing was that i had to move in with my dad for over a year with is horrible girlfriend (we didn't get on at all) and when i told him about the plans he was delighted and said that he would be able to look after me and also afford to keep me and get my health back on track, He told me that i could move in straight away and my dad told me that i could have the front bedroom as mine was in the back and i never slept in that room since my dad moved in there. I was delighted to go but my mum was the problem as i would miss her more it was very hard for me to say goodbye when i stepped out of the car with my stuff and it was very upsetting time for me. Few months before i had to go i was packing all of my things and my bedroom looked so dull and empty and it was so upsetting that i had been here since i was 13 and now i am packing my life away into a box and it wasn't the same anymore and it was time for me to move on and get my health back on track, In September 2008 i officially made the move to my dads and it took a day for my mum and step dad to drive me down there with all of my things and there was a lot of stuff to transfer as i had a tonne of clothes CD's and other bits and bobs and it was a nightmare carrying it all in dustbin bags, I can clearly remember getting to my bedroom and i started to cry and asking for my mum while i was putting my stuff away  as i had never lived with my dad until my mum decided to take me away from him when i was 3 and it was very upsetting for me and i just wanted my mum at this point. My dad new that i wasn't clearly well and he said he can only do what he could and he said that i am so happy that you made this move and it will give me time to look after you and get you back on your feet. I had to have a early night as i was so tired due to the travelling and packing up my things and putting them away and then in the morning i had to start my course and i wasn't looking forward to it at all. My dad's girlfriend used to get me up for 7am as i used to catch a coach that was for us and i had to walk around the corner to catch it and my dad's girlfriend walked around with me for the first day and it was so dull and i had no one to talk to and i wanted to talk to someone. The first day was a total blur and i hated it and i knew from the start of this course that the tutor was gonna be a nightmare and in the end i was so right and she caused so many issues for me while i was on the course, We had to carry a ID Card with us all time and to provide it for the library etc! I first met some people on the second day on the bus and that was Laura and Mel and they were very friendly and very supported people and we loved to chat to each other on the way to collage in the mornings and evenings,

As Mel used to live around the corner it was so good that i had a friend that i had made on the bus that i could go and visit, I also met Carina & Charlotte on the second day in the canteen and they have been there since day one and they provided me with a lot of help and advice while i was there. Sadly that Carina and Charlotte was in the same class so i could only see them at break times and hit was so nice that i also made friends with the class too. The staff was very rude towards me and clearly didn't understand my special needs and also i was disabled, They didn't provide me with any support and at this point of time i was suffering with very mild depression and anxiety and they didn't really bother with me when i told them. My behaviour did lash out sometimes and i went mad as i just basically lost it and i couldn't cope as i was missing my mum and i wanted to leave and the tutor shouted at me for being naughty at one time and i was being abusive towards them and asking where my help was. My friends told me to calm down and sit down we will help you, I then in the end walked out and nearly smashed the door off as i was in a very bad mood and then i was taken to see the headmaster of the collage to explain why this happened. I still didn't have no help while i was there and all of my friends helped me in the class and they done this every lesson we had because they couldn't be asked to provide my special needs LSW. I made trips down to see my mum every Christmas and it was very hard for me to visit as i didn't live there anymore and coming back to visit was very hard and strange for me as i saw my old bedroom and it was completely different and i just wanted to come back straightaway!
My dad did look after me very well and done what he did for me as my dad was also working at time and he would come in and see me every 2 hours or so. There was moments where i did try and take my life as i had enough and i wanted to be free and where no one could hurt me anymore. The thing is that i never told my dad that the tutor was bullying me and being rude to me ever since i started the course and the reason why i wanted to try and take my life was because of the tutor as i had enough of her and of course my health issues too. I wasn't eating that well and i lost 6 stones in a matter of a few weeks and i was only eating junk food and living off Pizzas chips chips and my energy was really bad and i had to drink lucozade for a year to help me on my feet again

In March 2009 i moved back in with my mum & step dad as my dad wanted me to pay half towards his council tax and my dad's girlfriend went behind my back and told the council my business and i saw the letter and it was addressed to me, I wasn't happy and when i rang my mum up my dad and his ex girlfriend listened to the call and told me to get out straight away! And i was like what have i done? My dad clearly wanted me to pay his council tax so he could have more money for drink and when i wouldn't pay he kicked me out for good. The next day i packed up my things and we didn't speak to each other and my dad's ex looked in my bags and my personal information and then she drove me to the supermarket carpark where she had dumped all of my belongs on the road and then drove off, My mum shouted at her and told her that she was nothing but a C**w and a F*****g bitch and told me to get in the car. Me and my dad didn't speak for 2 years after this had happened. When i arrived home my bedroom was a complete mess and my mum said that you cannot sleep in there tonight and when i saw it i was in shock it was painted bright red and it was like a dump room with all sorts in it, My mum thought that i wasn't coming home for good but i explained to my mum that it was my dad's fault not mine I wanted my room back as soon as i could! Everything took so long! 

BANKRUPTCY  2010 - 2016
In March 2009 when i moved back in with my mum & step dad i just wanted yet another year out and i wanted to get things sotted out as soon as i could as i was seeking professional help from my Connections adviser for my debit as i wanted to know what was the best thing to do as i had tonne of letters and they weren't going away at all, By now i was over my breakdown witch took a year to get over with it and now i had a lot of debit side of things to deal with, I was seeing my personal advisers every week and i was providing the letters to prove how much i owed to each other My adviser told me that there was only one option for me to do and i she to her what was that ? and she said going insolvent and i asked what was that ? And she explained everything to me and how everything works and there was no around it and get on and get something done ASP. I also asked how do i go about doing insolvency and how long does it all take, she explained the T&C's about it all and there was so much to take it all in. So the next few weeks i had a Appointment with someone at CAB to start the application for insolvency, There was so much paperwork about doing it, and on September 9th 2010 at 20 years old i went insolvent for £15,000 and i couldn't believe what the rules was about going insolvent and i wasn't allowed to apply for any credit and it would take a year for it to go though the courts and then it will be a long wait of 6 years before i could restate my credit score and profile again! Within that 6 years i wasn't able to get anything on credit and finance because of my Insolvency on my profile and it was very hard as i wanted a phone and i couldn't have it! My mum helped me out with a phone for a while and then i would get my own when i could, After 6 years long wait on September 9th 2016 i was Insolvent free and i would need to rebuild my credit score and profile once again!!
After Insolvency i felt proud and it was a good thing for me to do and it was a very hard process to go though but i am proud and i am happy that i did it, I wanted to wait a while before i wanted to apply for anything again on finance and my deadline was November 2016 and i wanted a phone so badly that on  20th September 2016 i was able to get a full sim only contract from o2 and i was super excited and blessed that i was able to get this as my credit was so bad! And o2 has been very supportive to me since, And then on 27th October 2016 i applied for my very first credit card and i was rejected the first time around and the second time i tried i was accepted! I was sooo happy that i was able to get some credit!

I have been though so much since 1992 and i can say it has been very difficult time for me in my early days of childhood and early teenager years as this Viral Encephalitis caused me to have Brain damaged and it has caused a lot of problems for me including my walking , my speech and learning disabilities and much more, I was so lucky that my mum got me to Hospital when she did because i was so unwell with the infection that my mum wasn't to sure if i was gonna make it or not, There was a nurse at the time of me being in hospital that my mum saw this nurse die from the same infection and it was heartbreaking for her to watch because she didn't wanna see me die as well. Since coming out of hospital as a disabled child there has been so much going on ever since and there has been so many people that has stood by me and understand that i am disabled and i am not like other people and i do have problems and illnesses and they have stood by me ever since and provided me the support that i have needed on a regular basics.

Most of the support comes from my mum who saved my life from the infection and got me into hospital before i actually died and got me the medication that i needed, She has been caring for me since i was 2 and has been there and given me support ever since and she knows what she saw on that day almost 20 years ago and it was heartbreaking to see her only daughter fight for her own life. My best friend who i met in year 8 in school in 2002 has been there for me ever since and she isn't well herself and she has been helping me and doing what she can for me for over 17 years now and i cannot explain how grateful i am to her and also her family too. Kerry and me are like to big sisters and we do everything together and also we have been looking after each other too. as i don't really have a lot of friends because (they use me for the money and then they turn around and dump me) but  Kerry has never ever done that to me and she wouldn't because she isn't that sort of person who would do that to someone like me, I always help her out with her bits and pieces like i have done for a while now and it is only fair that i buy her stuff because she has done a lot for me over the years and she really deserves it.

At the moment i am waiting to see if i wanna go back to learn to drive as it is really driving me insane and i just wanna get out and get my freedom and be able to go anywhere i want and see my friend Kerry all the time, As i have Mobility issues and learning disability it is very hard for me to drive a Manual as i have tried this and with everything that you need to do it is so hard for me and i have given it a huge thought and i am going back in a few weeks time as i wanna drive so badly, (Saying that i can aurally drive a manual car and move it) As there is no driving instructors in my area that does automatics it has been very hard to find a driving school / instructor that does it. I was't able to get help from Mobility towards a car and tax and insurance and i am also pretty upset about that but what can i do. I haven't really decided on what type of car that i would like once i have passed i know it would be a Volkswagen for sure with there super fast DSG's and it would be a polo or a Scirocco in black it all depends on what the insurance is gonna cost and also the tax.  Theres no way that i would get a car on finance or HP as it isn't worth it and i have enough savings to get myself a car when i do finally pass my test this year and i cannot wait for that day to happen.


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